I’m tired of always feeling sad, and being told that I’m doing something wrong for trying to find things that make me happy, and waiting for people who are neve r goin g to come, and most of alljust being here and alwaysbeing here.

i don’t want to be anywhere anymore



Whenever my step-father notices that I’m really enjoying doing something he feels the need to get mad at Mom about it.

Like, I would have just sat down to play a game or something in the living room and he’ll walk in and automatically assume that I have been doing the thing all day/night and snap at my Mom about it. Which leads to her getting very stressed out and going on a big rant about how I’m making things harder for her by being here.

It doesn’t matter to him if I’m trying to calm down after a panic attack, or I’m having a bout of insomnia, or I’m having a pain spike, or I literally just woke up after sleeping for a prolonged period because I felt awful all day. I’m quietly watching Sailor Moon while nobody else was using the TV and that’s worth waking my Mom up at 3AM on a work-night to chew her out about how I’m not working.

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I’m always waiting for things to happen that I really know won’t happen. Like seeing my stolen scooter on the road or thinking that a person that I used to know will still mail my game back to me like she promised.

I get mad at myself more for still hoping than anything.

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tags: #texapersonal


-Make a clinic appointment somewhere, tell them about the insomnia, fatigue, constant low grade fever, headaches, dry throat, and waking up really sweaty even though it feels fine in your room. Might be the meds but idk.
-Make depo shot appointment.
-Keep calling the SS office until somebody finally picks up the damn phone to do that thing Mom asked you to do like a month ago you lazy fart.


I’m sorry, but if I woke up to someone hovering over my bed in the middle of the night asking “Do you want to meet your father” I’d scream as loud as humanly possible and hit them with a lamp. What the fuck, Yuan.


Tales of card Evolve 『テイルズ オブ カード エボルブ』( I◡I )

Character:Lloyd Irving.

I don’t think I’ve ever posted pictures of all of my pets?

Top is my lil’ buddy Spinks. If I ever make a post saying “my cat” I’m probably talking about him specifically because I’m his favorite place to sit. The fluffy one between my legs is my sweetie Sora. She will let people hold her any way they want to. Next to her is Big Boy. He has the highest pitched meow out of all of them, and one time he bit me on the arm 4 times and I had to go to the ER.

THEN THERE’S THE COCKATIELS. Left is Phoebe! He’s my oldest at nearly 14 and he likes to fly on people’s heads when they walk into my room to ask me to do stuff. The blotchy one is Mina, she’s a pied Cockatiel and her favorite past-time is screeching when we’re out of millet. The white faced Cockatiel is Weiss. He likes to click his bill and puff his wings out when he enjoys the attention that he is receiving.

They keep me company.